I’ve written a little bit before about my singing career and I don’t want to rehash old material, but I was watching a show about performing on TV last night and felt that tug again. It’s a tug I feel every time I go to a concert or a musical. I feel it when I watch movies or read books about characters in the performing arts. Even when I hear about friends or family participating in concerts or shows. I’m not content to just sit in the audience. I want to be on stage again. I miss it.
The last time I performed on stage I sang with a large choir and symphony orchestra performing Handel’s Messiah. In the performances I had the opportunity to solo a few of the recitatives beside two talented ASL interpreters.
That was five years ago. And despite the tug I still feel I’ve come accept that the book of my performing life is shut for a while.
As the wife of a medical resident and the mommy of two young children who need so much care and attention I am now writing the book of young motherhood.
I find it frustrating at times. I wonder if I’m wasting a gift Heavenly Father as given me. I worry that I’ll never get back to singing and performing again and the very idea of that makes it hard for me to breathe sometimes. It’s come to be such a part of who I am.
Years ago, while talking to Kermit about how much I miss performing, she told mer her feelings about it very simply. Times and seasons. No season lasts forever and my book of performing may be opened again someday. I don’t believe Heavenly Father will allow my musical talent to wither during this season of my life because I’m choosing to follow his council and devoting my time to my family. I’m cultivating new talents and growing in new ways.
Several times a year I still get a little melancholy and will probably still feel the tug of the stage until I can open that book again. Whenever I feel this way, though, I think about what Kermit told me and remember Ecclesiastes, though, of course, I sing it to myself a la The Byrds.
To everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
I love that something I said had lasting impact on you. Isn’t it silly that I think nothing I say is meaningful? Hee.
OH MY GOSH, I am reading The Book Thief right now, too! Crazy.
Anyway…my point? Oh yeah. Go ask you ward music chair if you can sing O Divine Redeemer in sacrament next month. That will keep you busy. It’s keeping me busy…I’m singing it in eight days! Yikes!
I know it’s probably not as wonderful as what you’ve done before, but they do the Messiah every year in our town with solos and everything. The director is my good friends’ MIL. They only practice once a week and I’ll watch the kids for you if you want to do it….for a season. ;o)
My sister has some voice students and directs the music in the Kaysville City musicals. I betcha you could teach some students voice. Not the same, I know. But there are always rest home performances! They would love that and the old people would eat up your kids too…..not literally though…..I hope.
I’m sorry you feel like that. you’re right, you HAVE been given that musical gift. You’ve had YEARS to use it too. In the future, I’m sure you’ll have more chances to use it too. But you have a NEW gift now that you’re cultivating that you couldn’t before until now……..it’s more of a nurturing gift and less show-y but more important for this season of your life…..MOTHERHOOD! Not the same, and definitely not as obvious….but it was worth a try!
I so totally get this. Not that it helps you, but I do. It is so hard to leave your kids for even an hour, one time, at this stage. They just need so much from you! I do think you should take advantage of any reasonable opportunities that pop up, but I get that you couldn’t do something with a bunch of rehearsals, it just doesn’t work with life right now.
I will hang out in this boat with you.
Well said. I feel the same way (just this week, in fact). There are days when I miss going to work, having a career, adult interaction, etc. But there will come a day when the children are grown and I will long for the time I had with them. It’s so tough to be patient, live in the moment, be content with the way things are now…
I had similar thoughts as I shipped my bassoon off to be consigned. There just isn’t time enough in the day to devote to that talent and I feel that pull whenever I listen to classical music. It just about kills me.
I think I thrive on the fact that I make the choices in my life, and I choose my priorities. And I chose them in accordance to my conscience. You’re doing the same. If you could choose over again, would you do it differently? I bet millions that you wouldn’t. No regrets.
love kermy’s advice, too.